Demisexuality is characterized by a lack of sexual attraction toward any person unless they become deeply emotionally or romantically connected with a specific person or persons. The level of connection it takes for sexual desire to form is dependent on how close the relationship is rather than initial attraction. It is an orientation that is not chosen.

Demi- is a prefix meaning half. This is used to mean halfway between sexual and asexual. The term originated in the asexual community, specifically within the Asexual Visibility and Education Network

“I used to think my sex drive was ‘broken’ or nonfunctional until I learned about asexuality. Then I found something new and exciting.

This is how I have felt my whole life. I could not figure out what girls found so interesting in boys. Then I realized I was a lesbian. Then I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t feel any pull or sexual attraction to other women. I thought I was broken, that there was something wrong with me. I was resigned to spending my life by myself with no one to make love with. I figured I was asexual for sure but then I realized that spending a lot of time with some of the women I have spent time with has given me a warm, pleasant feeling in the nether regions so I couldn’t be fully asexual. I dropped the whole what the hell is wrong with me sexually for a few years until the other day.

On the 17th of June in the year 2018 I finally figured it out when I stumbled on these 2 websites: https://www.asexuality.org/     &    https://lonerwolf.com/demisexual-test/

By reading, taking a little test and just searching inside myself I have found I am a demisexual aromantic demiromantic) lesbian. Demisexual is a term used for people who experience sexual attraction and can enjoy intimacy, but don’t actively seek it out and often require a deep personal connection before being intimate. Demisexual people often have lower sex drives, but are not completely asexual. Demiromantic people experience romantic attraction, but are not drawn to romance and do not actively seek it out. I had found a label that fit me.

Now for someone who really doesn’t like labels applied to people I was nonplussed because I had a label that applied to me and explained what I did not know about myself. I suppose everyone in some small way wants to be like everyone else then when they realize that they aren’t it becomes a bit unnerving not to mention lonely. Constantly looking for that piece of information that helps you identify something about yourself that is just like others settles the loneliness. I have been telling people for several years now, if I am in a discussion with others about sexuality, and attraction that I needed to have a bond with someone before I can move into a relationship. Little did I know there was actually a term for it.

I have been browsing the internet, downloading books and generally driving myself crazy trying to find everything I can on demisexuality (demiromantic). I am currently reading a book I found on Demisexuality that I found on Amazon.ca, called All About Demisexuality by Demisexuality.org. It is a kindle edition and cost $5.99 Cdn. It is quite interesting so far and informative. I’ll share some of the information I have learned in another post.

Needless to say I have  added a lot some Tumblr blogs to my following list. The stupidest response to adding one page that was supposed to be a demisexual blog was ‘Are you a gold star lesbian? (meaning have a slept with a man or not). Not sure if they enjoyed my reply to their inane question or not. Nor do I know if they removed me from their blog which I don’t give a crap about if they did. There is no such thing as a gold star lesbian. It is a baby dyke way of distinguishing themselves from those of us who lived a life that required us to hide and be who we weren’t from those who get to ride our coattails enjoying the benefits of not having to adapt or hide. Putting a label like that one or that a demisexual is a lesbian in the closet is another piece of idiocy that needs to go away. A person who is demisexual is a person with a sexual orientation that is different from hetero, homo, asexual, etc. It is different but a part of the overall sphere of sexual attraction/orientation.  It is amazing that a group of people who spent centuries hiding who they were from others could be so frigging intolerant of others.

Anyway being a lesbian demiromantic is going to be interesting. To find someone interested enough to spend time getting to know each other to see if that sexual attraction develops can be a disappointing thing if it doesn’t. Oh well at least I might get a new friend out of it.

Sexual partner: Hey, I think you are sexy. *aroused*
Demisexual partner: I’d have to reach a higher level of emotional intimacy before I could feel the same way. =\
Sexual partner: Oh, I see. Well, we can do something enjoyable together. =/
Demisexual partner: =D We can bake a cake for now!
Sexual partner: Sure! That’s always fun, although we seem to be doing that a lot. =D
Demisexual partner: *squeeebonding time!*